


Figure My Heart Out

by elenajames, gostisbehere (castielsstarr)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Communication, Gentle Sex, Light Angst, M/M, Trans Character, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 04:25:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11982096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elenajames/pseuds/elenajames, https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielsstarr/pseuds/gostisbehere
Summary: Ivan wants to try something different, but he doesn't know how to ask.





	Figure My Heart Out

It takes Ivan well over a week to decide that this is something he wants. He’s already worried the idea and his cuticles to death by the time he gets the nerve and Ivan knows that Travis is starting to think that something might be wrong. There isn’t, not really, he just isn’t sure how to go about  _ asking _ for this and the nervousness makes his gut clench.

 

Travis is different from the other partners he’s had and he knows he has to keep that in mind. Projecting his fears isn’t going to help either of them. Where they had been less than accepting, Travis is… everything. He’s kind and patient when Ivan needs a moment, understanding when Ivan asks to stop or slow down. Ivan feels safe and comfortable with him, but it’s still difficult.

 

He tries to ask that night before they ever get close to their bed, but every time Ivan opens his mouth, he can’t find the right words. Phrasing this is hard. He dislikes the word vagina but he won't be able to go through with it if either of them call it a pussy. And on top of that, what if Ivan doesn’t like it still? Travis would feel bad about it and he doesn’t want to be the cause of that.

 

Ivan doesn’t manage to actually get the words together until Travis is already on top of him, pressing gentle kisses against his neck and behind his ear. He’s nervous and Travis is wide-eyed when Ivan pushes him away, just enough to give them space to look at each other. He ends up stuttering out, "What if... what if I wanted your dick. S-somewhere else?" It takes Travis way too long to figure out what he means.

 

“Babe. Are - are you sure?” Travis is nervous at the mere prospect. He's managed to coax a little out of Ivan about what his first time was like, remembers the quiet, hurt way Ivan told him about impatient, uncaring partners. He remembers Ivan talking about pain and the shame after, and Travis never wants to be the cause of that for Ivan.

 

“I want - I want to try.” Travis kisses him sweetly, nuzzling at him until Ivan moves to sit up. He digs lube and a condom out of the bedside table, the sight of which makes Travis’ heart stutter a little. They haven’t used one in a while but Ivan . . . Ivan could get pregnant, despite the testosterone and the implant in his arm. The weight of it all makes Travis’ hands shake, but he can see that Ivan’s are, too.

 

They lay back down together, Travis stretched along Ivan’s side. He watches as Ivan spills a little lube over his fingers and reaches between his own legs. Travis wants to touch, but holds back to let Ivan go at his own speed. Petting a little at his dick, Ivan pulls a leg up to make it easier to push a finger inside himself. He twists his head, obviously asking for another kiss and Travis is happy to oblige. Ivan makes small sounds into his mouth, shy little things that Travis half-wishes he could hear but is more than happy to help Ivan hide.

 

“Come back up here?” Ivan finally whispers, pulling his fingers out and wiping them on the bed. He welcomes Travis back between his legs and clings to his shoulders for a moment before pushing a condom into Travis’ hand.  

 

Ivan tries to kiss Travis deep and slow, to provide a distraction just for a few moments so he can settle down some. It's obvious, they're both nervous, but his hands are still trembling when Travis tries to rip open the wrapper and ends up ripping the condom, too. He curses and goes to grab another one, taking a couple breaths to steady himself before trying to get this one open. 

 

It takes the both of them to get it rolled on properly, and they wind up clutching at each other as Travis lines himself up. Ivan's wet, between arousal and the lube he'd fingered into himself, but he's still so tight around Travis' dick when he pushes inside.

 

“ _ Oh _ .” It doesn't feel bad, but it definitely hurts a little. Ivan's not open quite enough for this, but Travis is patient, waiting for him to adjust. Leaning down, he kisses Ivan, sliding a hand down to pet at his cock. It makes Ivan clench a little and, God, does Travis feel big like this. 

 

"Move? Please?"

 

Carefully, Travis does, his thrusts shallow at first but going deeper when Ivan seems less tense beneath him. 

 

It's nice, after a little while; it starts to even feel good, but Ivan knows he's not going to come like this. He watches Travis, though; he’s being so damn careful with him, so damn sweet and Ivan has to kiss him again. He doesn't mind waiting to get his because Travis has never left him hanging. It's worth it for the tiny, choked sound Travis makes when he comes. Travis shivers and his hips still and Ivan is holding tight to him through his aftershocks. Kissing his cheek and dropping his head to Ivan's shoulder, Travis pants, "Give me a minute and then, God, I'm giving you the best blowjob."

 

Ivan laughs at him, running his fingers through Travis's hair.

 

It makes Travis laugh, too, and he kisses Ivan's shoulder. "Was that okay, though?"

 

"It was. I liked it," Ivan promises and just that means a lot to Travis; that'd been both their fear, that Ivan wouldn't like it at all.

 

When Travis kisses him, holding his face with one hand and balancing the rest of his weight on his forearm, Ivan can feel in his chest how much Travis loves him and it makes him break the kiss to giggle a little.

 

Travis gives him a silly grin, then, and pulls out gently. Ivan's a little achy, but that fades from his attention when Travis kisses his way down Ivan's belly. He can't help gasping at the wet heat around his cock, Travis's tongue working along with the bobs of his head. The first time they’d done this he'd been shy, but Travis loved sucking Ivan off and it showed.

 

Ivan can feel where Travis had been when he comes, the sensation different than when Travis has fucked his ass. He grinds his hips up towards Travis' face and gasps a little when Travis slips his tongue down inside him for a moment before taking his cock back in.

 

Ivan's panting softly as he comes down, not trembling like Travis had been, but with little spasms in his abdomen that were just visible. He's petting through Travis's hair and smiling down at him, his voice a little rough when he speaks. "You're right. Great blowjob."

 


End file.
